Enemy Message Contest

[Kinak]

Edit: This contest closed on December 5th.

So, I've been thinking about going through and filling in enemies' missing combat messages.

But it's been a while since we've had a creative contest and it seems like a shame to waste the opportunity.

...you can probably see where this is going.

The Targets
Any enemy in the game that just gives the "They hit you for <damage>" rather than a description of what actually happened.

We might have a contest for making new enemies some day, but today is not that day. Please keep it to the enemies that already exist.

The Contest
List out three hit messages and three miss messages for each enemy. You can assign damage types to the hits or I can do it when I'm adding them.

So an enemy might look like this:

Bob, the Example Villain
Bob hits you. It hurts.
Bob calls in some suitably generic minions to beat you up.
Bob does some crazy stuff, which I'd describe it wasn't an example. It hurts your brain. (psychic damage)

Bob tries to hit you, but misses.
Bob calls in some suitably generic minions, but they just line up and let you beat them one at a time.
Bob tries to blow your mind, but is just a boring example.

So, something like that. I'm not picking about formatting, as long as its clear what enemy you're talking about and what the messages are.

I'll accept three enemies from each entrant. So up to three enemies with six messages each.

I'll close the contest... let's say December 5th. Then I'll announce winners on the next podcast.

Winning
Everyone whose messages I add to the game gets prizes! The more I use, the more prizes!

Bwah?
If there are any questions, feel free to ask those in the thread here. I'll edit anything major into this very post. The one I'm typing right now.

Cheers!
Kinak

[Isladar]

Boogie Monster
Hit:
• The radio starts playing a soulful song of the seventies and he sidles over to you with a straight razor. You have a feeling that somethin’ ain’t right, but he still slices up your ear.
• You can tell by the way he uses his walk that this is a guy with no time to talk. He may have been kicked around since he was born, but now he’s the one doing the kicking. Ah, ha, ha, ha, that really hurt!
• Up above your head, you hear music in the air—Wait, that’s not music, that’s the fire alarm! He just set the building on fire, and now you’re burnin’. (Fire Damage)

Miss:
• The radio starts playing a soulful song of the seventies and he sidles over to you with a straight razor. You’re so scared you fall off your chair, so instead of slicing your ear, he gets only air.
• You can tell by the way he uses his walk that this is a guy with no time to talk. That’s alright, that’s okay. You decide to walk away…and a good thing too, because he just tried to kick you!
• Up above your head, you hear music in the air. It sounds like there’s a party goin’ down on the roof. You decide to check it out and leave him here to dance with himself.

Barred Bard
Hit:
• She lays down a lay about her life as a lawyer, before briefly beating you about the briefs.
• She censors you with a censer. You’re incensed!
• She belts a bawdy ballad about an odd body. You get so dizzy just listening to her, that you trip and hit your head.

Miss:
• She lays down a lay about her life as a lawyer, but lucky for you this bard was disbarred.
• She tries to censor you with a censer, but you sense it in time to duck.
• She belts a bawdy ballad about an odd body, but her tongue gets too tied finish.

Cloaked Swordsman
Hit:
• He salutes you with his saber, saying, “It is a good day to die”, then he drops his cloak and attacks you with the ferocity of a Tarcassian razor beast.
• The swordsman shouts, “There can be only one!” before swinging his saber at your neck. Unfortunately, you weren’t quick enough to dodge.
• He slashes around him with both swords, cutting the candles lighting the room and plunging you into darkness. You hear him whisper “Darkness is my advantage”, right before he stabs you in the back.

Miss:
• He salutes you with his saber, saying, “It is a good day to die”, but he forgets to de-cloak, so his attack fails.
• The swordsman shouts, “There can be only one!” before swinging his rapier at your neck, but you don’t really get the point.
• He slashes around him with both swords, cutting the candles lighting the room and plunging you into darkness. A moment later you hear a colossal clatter. Apparently he forgot where the furniture was.

[Mana Yachanichu]

Estemmenosuchus:
Hit

• It sheds crocodile tears. You are so distracted trying to give sympathy that you don't notice it bite you in the leg.
• It demands that you bow down before it, then headbutts you. Hey, who crowned it king anyways?
• It changes its name to "Sheen," and successfully protests that you are not currently being punched in the nose.

Miss

• It tries shedding crocodile tears, but you point out that it's actually a therapsid, which is a completely different thing from a crocodile.
• It demands that you bow down before it, but you remind it that Twilight isn't a monarchy.
• It changes its name to "Sheen," but you get it fired from its show. Er, exhibit. Whatever.

Dimetrodon:
Hit

• The Dimetrodon calls in a few boys from the old neighborhood to rough you up.
• The Dimetrodon gets Triassic on your . . . let's say elbow.
• The Dimetrodon assails you with its sail.

Miss

• The Dimetrodon calls in a few boys from the old neighborhood, but their flight down to Twilight is snowed in.
• The Dimetrodon tries to get Triassic on you, but a passing paleontological pedant points out that it lived in the Permian. Man, who picked the specimens in "Triassic Park" anyways?
• The Dimetrodon tries to assail you, but you sail away in time.

Coelophysis:
Hit

• He evolves into a bird and pecks your eyes out.
• He decides to turnip the pain meter on your face.
• He sticks his overly sharp teeth in your throat.

Miss

• He tries to evolve into a bird, but you tell him he's a couple million years too early.
• He tries to turnip the pain meter, but you turnip your nose at him.
• He tries to stick his overly sharp teeth in your throat, but you get into an argument over how to pronounce his name.

[Kinak]

Can I reserve this post to write down my ideas one message at a time, rather than needing to put all 18 in at once?

Feel free to edit stuff in under December 5th, when I'll be copying everything down to consider.

Cheers!
Kinak

[Sanjuro]

This sounds like a fun contest. I like all of the previous entries so far!

Burrowing Stalker:
Hit
* It burrows into the ground and apparently disappears. A few seconds later, the ground collapses at your feet and you fall into a sinkhole.
* It tries to beg, burrow, and steal from you, but only one of the three succeeds. A quick check of your HP and chips (over there on the left, see it?) should tell you which one.
* Its head pops out of the ground. You try to whack it, but miss, hitting your own ankle.

Miss
* It burrows into the ground and apparently disappears, only to pop up several feet away from you. It must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
* It tries to steal up and burrow into you, but you beg off.
* It tries to stalk and burrow, but ends up stocking a burro instead.

[acidcat]

Ooh, the rest of you set a high standard for quality - Here is mine to add some more quantity.

Tough Biker
Hit
The Tough Biker welcomes you to a dive bar by making you take a dive. With his fists. You lose XX HP
You came in looking for a tougher fight and this guy doesn't want to disappoint. He swings his glass into you for XX damage


Miss
This greaser takes a swing at you. Luckily he slips up and misses you.
He gets all revved up as he attacks you. You manage to slip through the tyre smoke and dodge his attack.

Mister Bobo, the superintelligent chimp
Hit
You invite him to a tea party, which makes him go bananas. He swings into you for XX damage
Bobo bores of monkeying around and just hits you with his wrench.
You feel you have a monkey on your back. Sadly on in this case it's a real one. He screeches at you for XX damage.

Miss
Bobo gets bored and can't give a monkeys about you. He chews on a banana uninterestedly.
Bobo throws peanuts at you, you shrug off his primateive attack.
Although he goes ape at you, you manage to jump over the barrels that he rolls at you.

Hit


Miss

[Patojonas]

my humble submission

Chuck Van Arnolde

Hit1=He attempts to roundhouse kick you, but you saw it coming. What you didn't expect was the deafening sonic boom that followed! (sonic damage)
Hit2=He stands on a couple trash cans and slowly goes down ending in a perfect splits position. Just imagining the pain hurts you. (psychic damage)
Hit3=he screams "Get to the chopper!" and while you look around for one he punches you.


Miss1=He attempts to roundhouse kick you, but you saw it coming and evaded with a back somersault, saving you from the sonic boom that followed his kick.
Miss2=He stands on a couple trash cans and slowly goes down ending in a perfect splits position. You make a video to post on the web later.
Miss3=He screams something unintelligible. You pretend you understood what he said.

Chemist

Hit1=He takes a small crystal form his pocket and throws it at your feet, causing an explosion.(damage)
Hit2=He lobs a flask of hydrochloric acid at you. Ouch, it hurts and burns! (damage +acid damage)
Hit3=He throws some water at you. "That's not cool!" you reply. He then tosses some ammonium nitrate and asks "What about now?". The ensuing chemical reaction makes you ice cold! (ice damage)


Miss1=He takes a small crystal from his pocket and throws it at your feet but it just lays there. "Not enough ethanol" he grumbles.
Miss2=He lobs a flask at you but misses. The floor where it fell starts bubbling, yikes!
Miss3=He throws some water at you. "That's not cool!" you reply. He throws some more, but fails to chill you.

[The Leopard]

Oversized rattlesnake
Hit:

• It shakes its rattle and rolls over you. (X + X (sonic) damage)
  You're relieved to discover this type of rattlesnake isn't poisonous. Unfortunately, it is venomous. (X + X (acid) damage)
  It wraps its coils around you. Normally, it's not a constrictor, but it's been taking lessons from Anna Conda.

Miss:

• It shakes its rattle. You accompany on the castanets.
  You're relieved to discover this type of rattlesnake isn't poisonous. As long as you don't touch or eat it, you should be fine.
  It wraps its coils around you, but it's not a constrictor, so you're okay.

Alchemist

Hit:

• She decides that if she can't turn lead into gold, she'll turn you into carbon. (Fire damage)
  She pushes you into a vat of liquid nitrogen that she was trying to turn into liquid platinum. (Ice damage)
  She throws a series liquids at you to see if you're soluble in them. It turns out that you are. (Acid damage)

• She decides that if she can't turn lead into gold, she'll turn gold into lead. She consults her notes and starts writing a grant proposal.
  She pushes you into a vat of liquid nitrogen, but she's already turned it into liquid ice cream.
  She throws a series liquids at you to see if you're soluble in them. But since you're the problem, you're not part of the solution.

[Kinak]

The contest is officially closed! Thank you everyone for your entries, I chuckled a few times copying them all down and look forward to digging through during the judging.

I'll be announcing them during the next podcast.

Cheers!
Kinak