Even If - Wordsmithing Contest (Closed)

[Kinak]

So, it's been a while since we last had a creative contest and Patojonas had a great suggestion in the last podcast thread.

The Twilight Heroes homepage has a chunk that says "... even if one of those threats is a giant snake that insists on being called Anna Conda."

The contest is to come up with funny suggestions to replace that on the home page. So, every time someone visits, they'll get a random taste of Twilight's villainy.

What are the criteria?
Your suggestions should be things that strike you as funny that you think would also strike a first time visitor to the site as funny.

That said, the real challenge is hitting the funny bone in as few words as possible. There isn't much space there, so you really only get that sentence fragment.

Who Judges These Things?
That'd be me.

I promise to be completely arbitrary. Because, really, I'm picking what I think is funniest. That's not exactly a science.

I'll reveal the winners on the next Twilight Heroes podcast.

How Many Winners Are There?
As many as I end up using the suggestions of! For the last creative contest, we ended up using about a dozen suggestions.

What'll they win Alex? Errr, Kinak?
Exclusive in-game items only handed out for creative contests.

Specifically, if one of your entries is chosen, you'll receive the Silver Hammer. If two or more are chosen, you'll also receive the Golden Nail.

How to Enter:
Post your entries in this thread. Keep it to three entries per person maximum.

Seriously, please. Three entries at most. I'd hate to have to throw out someone's entries because they insisted on posting too many.

You're welcome to edit your entries until November 18th. I'll close the contest sometime that day, so don't try to wait for the last minute.

If you don't have a forum account, feel free to sign up for one. Just note that you need to send an in-game message to Kinak to activate the account.

Cheers!
Kinak

[Isladar]

Hey, I'm just saying that the average citizen has no hope against the threats facing Twilight

...because you'd have to be nucking futs to throw down with a villain named Tricky Nick Dixon.

...becaue no one wants to smell what the Arachnid Prince is cooking.

...because you don't spank Mister Bobo, the superintelligent chimp; he spanks you.

[atlas2112]

"...even if you get burned by the Human Campfire!"

"...just don't get a crush on the Blue Crush!"

edit: Reduced number of entries.

[Satan]

My suggestion is the most creative of all. It's "...".

[Kinak]

Are you looking for word play on existing characters, or for new ideas?

More existing characters, but even if you think something is obvious, that doesn't mean I will. After all, my sense of humor was shot off in the war

That said, it doesn't necessarily need to boil down to just one character. If you can make a sufficiently sweeping funny statement, you can probably catch a whole load of them. I use "villains" very generally to describe basically everyone you fight, not just the named baddies.

Cheers!
Kinak

[acidcat]

... you don't make deals with Memphis Topheles - you hand him his horns (or kick him in the horns - not sure which sounds better)

...you're the only one to realise John Steele has a glass jaw

...Xam Sdrawkcab si gnivird uoy pu eht llaw

I love Isladar's Tricky Nick Dixon line

[Patojonas]

Hey, I'm just saying that the average citizen has no hope against the threats facing Twilight...

... even if one of those threats is a giant lizard rampaging in Chinatown ... playing a deafening vuvuzela.

...considering there's a kitten out there that would put Karate Kid to shame.

...unless killer whales equipped with rocket launchers can be handled by the average citizen.

[Jesus]

Hey, I'm just saying that the average citizen has no hope against the threats facing Twilight...


... although in their defense average citizens only have wingmen, not sidekicks.

... after all, normal people can barely handle threats from their own dimension. Amateurs.

...but when those threats include mind-control, they also have no sadness or fear so it really works out for the... HEY!

[xKiv]

... although an average citizen is likely one of those threats.
... even though the average citizen is half a superhero, half a villain, and half asleep.
... especially the face-melting ones.

[Cristiona]

...where even the Baroness has to do laundry on her day off.

(sorry)

[Sanjuro]

...from the pickpockets to the greater freak-tesque goblins from Mount Vernon.
...even with an accountant for a sidekick.
...especially when the Mole People decide to invade the city.

[The Leopard]

Hey, I'm just saying that the average citizen has no hope against the threats facing Twilight...

...even if a bike helmet, a rolled-up newspaper, fishnet stockings, and bunny slippers make up a superhero outfit.
...even if you need underwater crime like a fish needs a bicycle.
...even if the local mafia makes a pretty tasty pizza.

[Kinak]

Thanks for all the great entries, everyone!

The contest is officially closed (which means I've copied all the entries and won't notice if you change them).

I'll be announcing the winners on the next podcast and sending out prizes shortly thereafter.

Cheers!
Kinak